another day, another UGH

I feel like I'm trying but getting nowhere in my life. Stuck living with a lazy, irresponsible roommate who does nothing to help or even to pick up her trash or give proper attention to her dog and cat. Wish I could move out. Living options are very limited. Roommates or live alone. Can I afford to live alone? Every week food and gas are becoming more expensive. All my local friends are gone. Family have their own problems. The man i care about says he doesn't know when he will ever come home to meet me. So many dreams hoped for but unrealized. I want him to be real...is he? IDK like so many other things. If I find he isn't real, I will be devastated, broken hearted again and that will be it. I will give up on being loved by humans. I have tried my whole life but it just seems like dissapointment every time. Sometimes I want to hope that SMB really cares, other times I just feel like a fool. Once I believed in love.